hello, havent spoken in a while. i have realised something that greatly disturbs me. i am not a man of my word-or women techniqually. i have the unfortunet rotten part of me that lies to themselves and others when i say that i will do something. for example i once said to myself that i was going to write in my journal ebvery other night where, like my blogs, i only get to it on the rare occasion.

i have also realised something else. i am pethetic. i am single, im not that upset about it, i like being single, what i dont like is feeling so alone. i want more than what ive been given from men. i want love, true love. i know it sounds corny and retarded but it is not a lie. i am 14 years old, yet very mature for my age, mentally and physically. i have gone out with many guys in my life, most from school, but some strong part of me wants a real relationship, not just a boyfriend but someone who is there for me and loves me and whom i think about night and day. i dont have someone like that. but i want it. their are no decent male souls in this town. no offence to any man, but here you all stink! the men in mount forest are all jerks who just spend there days grabbing my ass and staring down my shirt and making fun of me jujst for the heck of it. i am part of the popular croud. i will not lie. its true, and im not being a bitch trying to prive herself, i really am, and yet im still the girl whos unhappy. im the one who the guys are rude to because even though im 'hott' and im in the 'in croud' im no longer a girl they find they like. former years i was being asked out everyday, now, nothing. and truly i am not trying to be the girly girl who is jealous of all of her friends. i love my life. i hate the men in it. i want a true man who actually respects women, does good in school, doesnt swear to the teachers or punches a fist just cause. and for some reason i seem to be the only girl here who realises how cruel the guys at school are to us women. they grab us when we dont want them to, steel our stuff when we tell them not to, make cruel jokes, shove me into the wall and take whatever peice of me they can get. where are the decent men? the ones who are caring?