Best of 2009 summer

yoyo all people of the internet-yesterday was one of the best days i have had even though tecniqually it was a disappointment-which in a way made it better. on Saturday my parents and i headed down to Kincardin for the weekend. we had a reservation at a bed and breakfast which turned out to be right across the street from a deserted, yet beautiful beach. we went swimming and let the waves pick us right off our feet. it was great. later on my family and i went and did miniput-surprisingly my mom won. after, we ate at crabby joes.

the reason we came down to Kincardin was because i had a soccer tournament on Sunday-yesturday-that started at 9 in the morning (which we lost by the way.)

even though the day was disappionting, my team played the best we ever have. it was amasing, we were passing and talking to each other and we were really supportive-we still lost-but we were amasing. it also was great because the whole team (we are a girls 14 team) went swimming together at a really nice, large beach that was great. we were laughing and playing and got some really good happy photos of us all goofing off. it was some of the best fun!

we played a few more games and then 2 of my friends and their families went out to dinner. all 10 of us headed out to a pub/restaurant where we had some of the best and worst food. again-more soccer and then my parents left to go see a concert and i went swimming again with the same two friends and their families. it was soo great because the three of us got to bond and laugh and tell stories and share feeling and it was one of the best days for us three together. we felt like we were back at new life-a camp the three us went to with another one of our guy friends earlier this summer-so much fun by the way!

the three of us talked, jumped over waves, surfed on waves, swam, flirted with guys, and jumped off this 30 foot peir into freezing cold water. it was soo much fun. emma left and then it was just victoria and i, we never really get to just be alone together and we had so much fun-after a couple of hours of doing absolutely nothin' in the water we decided it was time to eat dinner so me and vics family went to subway and i get my predictable foot long sweet onion chicken teriyaki on italian herbs and cheese bun with tomatoes, lettuse, sud sauce, light mayo, and that other sauce that i cant remember the name of.

anyway, even though we all ended the day tired, sore and with spitting headaches of dehydration and too much sun when running like you have to piss cause youre so nervous, all day-it was one of the best days ever.

the whole summer i havent got out once with friends-besides camp but that doesnt count-so it felt great to finally living out what summer is all about. it was great and i am soo happy we lost-because we didnt ge to play as many games as the better teams, and we were able to relax and just hang. best day of the summer-by far.

for once i am writing to yal with good news and a happy tale.

you know you love me xoxo Holly

Hey

My name is Holly-as you may already know-or not. School is coming-im freaking out. i have a new boyfriend, we have been going out for about a month and a half and i do truly like him its just that it feels wrong. when i was going out with Tyler, i missed him every second i was away. when we talked, nothing else mattered. i could look at his picture and cry because i was so happy he was mine. i loved him, actually LOVED him. he left me for another women, but i still miss him. i think the problem is that even though i like jake alot and like talking to him and i do miss him when hes not there, its not the same. i think i still love Tyler. after all that happened, its still him i think about in the middle of the night. im not over him. and not im torn. i mean, i have to get over ty. and i feel bad because i dont want to out with jake if im also thinking about someone else. i feel like im cheating on jake. but then again, i dont want to loose him because hes my best friend and boy friend and i dont want to let him go. i dont want to dump him because i still like him-its just that i also like tyler. i dont know what to do-i need help-and now im worried because ive been told that there are many guys who would be perfect for me that i havent met yet. and my friends who say they know guys who are coming to our high school-i get excited. like, what i fall for a third guy? and then forth? its happened to me before. i had 5 guys i couldnt chose from, and in the end i lost all of them. i dont know what to do. You know you love me. XOXO Holly

Used

I dont know what to say
My life feels like its in pieces
Why does it have to be this way
With all the lies and the secrets

Why is it Im the one
Who everybody thinks is trash?
I mean, maybe I am
But I have feelings too

Im used and abused
Im trying to go on
Im broken and shattered
No one cares to pick up the pieces

Im used and abused
Im broken and shattered
They ise me and toss me away
Its like I never mattered

"Why is life so hard?"
Its not a question I have an answer to
Why isnt there a rule book
For life?

They do whatever they want to me
And dont think twice abou it
Im down on the grownd and crying
They walk by

Im used and abused
Im broken and shattered
Im torn and thrown away
Its like I never mattered

I wish I could smile and mesn it
I wish life was not so hard
Help me dear lord from this pain
Im asking with all I have

Happiness is miles away
The fake smile has worn down
My life is fading away
Will it make a difference?

Im used and abused
Im broken and shattered
Im used and abused
And noone cares

I dont rememeber giving God permission
To make my life a living hell
Why does it have to be this way?
Please someone share

Im used and abused
Im broken and shattered
I crash and burn to the ground
They just step around

Depression taking over
Sadness crepping in
Hatred coming toward me
When will this all end?

Sometimes when you want to cry
And you feel like your gonne die
What hurts the most is knowing you cant
What hurts the most is knowing I cant

Im used and abused
Im broken and shattered
Im used and abused
And none cares

IM USED AND ABUSED
IM BROKEN AND SHATTERED
IM USED AND ABUSED
AND NOONE CARES

AND NOONE CARES

My Life-Song

It is my life, not yours
Can you please leave me alone? Yes, go away!
You have your life, I have my life
Please keep to yourself
I dont need a manager!
God gave me a path, I will walk it
You may be my friend but...
It is my life, you dont run it!

Chorus:
How am i supposed to live my life
When youve got it on a schedule?
You can not go draggin' me around
Like Im your little pet
My life belongs to me
So you better keep with your own
You cannot call the shots 'cause
It is my life, you dont run it!

It is my life, not yours
I dont know how Im going to live on
I wish youd stop, give me some space
No! We are not one
We are two different people
Let me live my life, without your help
You may be my friend but
It is my life, you dont run it!

Chorus

It is my life, not yours
I ama human being, not a toy
It is my life, you dont own it
Yes, it is my life
I can do it as I please
It is my life, you have no say
You may be my friend but...
It is my life, you dont run it!

Chorus
(Tag last line: It is my life, you dont run it!)

By: Holly A.

Once Again

Im here and im depressed-whats new?
I'm back and once again i have something bad to say-seems to be a trend in my life. So i was going out with this guys named Victor who even though was creepy and nurdy and totally annoyed me-for some reason i liked him. We had been going out for about 2 weeks and it was going alright. Then the end of school and the grade 8 class goes on a trip to Ottawa. Big mistake. So many things went wrong but ill only touch on one.

All 70 kids were on a bus headed who knows where, and i was sitting with who at the time was my best friend-Gavin M. For some reason Gavin convinsed me that Victor was cheating on me -which deep down i knew wasn't true - and that i should make him jealous. Now i am not the type to do that to anyone, im not like that, and so how Gavin could make me flirt with him right in
front of Victor to make him jealous is unknown to me. It was like i hypnotized. Eventually Victor couldnt take it anylonger and he dumped me and thats when i snapped out of my trance and realized what i had done. i was going to appologize to him until i found out that he had tried to ask out Kate-who is the one person i dispise in this world because of the things she has done to me,things i wont even tell you! So i decided to just leave him to do whatever he wanted.

I was mad at Gavin but i didnt show it, i thought everyone makes mistakes and was trying to forgive him-he was afterall my friend. But then matters got even worse. Gavin started telling people that we had made out and that i was going to ask him out and that all out flirting was proof. Everyone believed that i was in love with Gavin-which i wasnt and never will be! And so people kept coming up to me saying things like; "When are you gonna as Gavin" How long have you and Gavin been like this" and for the longest time i had no idea what anyone was talking about-ofcourse now one believed me. My other best friend(who at one time went out with Gavin-but trust me it did not end well-they were not on speaking terms even then) told me what Gavin had been telling everyone. So i confronted him, trying to make it clear that i didnt like him. not at all. he had been my friend for the longest time but thats all! Still he persisted to tell people i liked him and i told people otherwise. Then when people didnt know what to believe, Gavin tried to convince ME that i liked him-and you cant do that, you cant convice someone they like you when they truly dont. Then he became a jerk. Trying to hold my hand. Trying to kiss me. Telling me we loved each other and i was just confused. And over and over i had to tell him there was nothing between us-neither of us liked each other. He admitted to Emma, my friend, that he was just trying to make me mad, i over heard the conversation and Emma confermed it.

School ended and Gavin was now telling everyone we were dating. It was cruel and i wanted to cry. Then, my friend Emma had a graduation party, inviting everybody and they all came. The whole night Gavin flirted with me. Telling me that he truly did like me. By now EVERYONE thought i was in love with Gavin-including Emma, my closest friend whom i was sure would believe me. By now i was pissed. Then it all tured for the worst.

Then next night, another friend of mine had a bonfire for just our closest friends including Kate, Madi, Jake, Emma, Gavin, and myself, but i couldnt make it. The next day Gavin, Emma, and Jake show up like nothing had happened the night before at Jessie's house, just a good party. About and hour of the 4 of us biking around, we came to Cork. The big park/arena/skateboarding place/soccer feilds/baseball diamonds/teen hang out. We stopped to just to relax for a while. And thats when they told me what had really happened ar Jessie's. Turns out that Emma and Gavin made out and a little more, in one of the tents at the bonfire. I was stunned because they werent very close anymore. Then it hit me, they both betrayed. I became overly mad. Gavin assumed i was jealous that Emma kissed him and not me. No i couldnt have cared less if nothing of the past month had happened.

You see, Gavin supposedly loved me. And Emma truly believed i loved him back. I didnt/dont of course but she THOUGHT i did. Meaning that they both betrayed me as friends. Its like they both cheated on me. At first they didnt even get why i was mad. I mean how could they not know? The man who loved me and the girl who thought i loved him. Both my best friends. It wouldnt be any different if i truly did like Gavin, and if we were going out because thats what they both believed!!! L felt heart broken that the two people i thought i could trust the most betrayed me in such a harsh way. It seems to be that my friends all betray me in the harshest way at one point of another.

I left. I biked home as fast as i could and cried. I told my other so called friends about what happened so that they would stop buggin me about 'liking Gavin'. Then everyone knew about in a day for the friends i asked to keep what happened just in our circle of trust, spread the word.
The next day came and who did i find at my doorstep all kissy and cuddly? Emma and Gavin, all smiles they had forgotten i was mad at them two. I told then to piss off and slammed the door. It felt great until i got emails from them, all cheerful and wondering if i wanted to hang out. I mean how many times can a girl be pussed to the ground? How many times can i be pussed to the limit? How many times cana friends betray you all in one week? Apparently alot. Still now i have to remind them what they did wrong. They appologize, say they arent together and they just made a mistake, i say im starting to forgive and just need time away from them. Then once again theyre at my doorstep kissing and hugging and asking me to 'hang'

Im broken. Im on the ground beaten. High School is only a couple weeks away i dont know if i can do this. Now i have no idea who my friends are.

You know you love me ( well at least i hope ) - XOXO - Holly