I'm back and once again i have something bad to say-seems to be a trend in my life. So i was going out with this guys named Victor who even though was creepy and nurdy and totally annoyed me-for some reason i liked him. We had been going out for about 2 weeks and it was going alright. Then the end of school and the grade 8 class goes on a trip to Ottawa. Big mistake. So many things went wrong but ill only touch on one.
All 70 kids were on a bus headed who knows where, and i was sitting with who at the time was my best friend-Gavin M. For some reason Gavin convinsed me that Victor was cheating on me -which deep down i knew wasn't true - and that i should make him jealous. Now i am not the type to do that to anyone, im not like that, and so how Gavin could make me flirt with him right in
front of Victor to make him jealous is unknown to me. It was like i hypnotized. Eventually Victor couldnt take it anylonger and he dumped me and thats when i snapped out of my trance and realized what i had done. i was going to appologize to him until i found out that he had tried to ask out Kate-who is the one person i dispise in this world because of the things she has done to me,things i wont even tell you! So i decided to just leave him to do whatever he wanted.
I was mad at Gavin but i didnt show it, i thought everyone makes mistakes and was trying to forgive him-he was afterall my friend. But then matters got even worse. Gavin started telling people that we had made out and that i was going to ask him out and that all out flirting was proof. Everyone believed that i was in love with Gavin-which i wasnt and never will be! And so people kept coming up to me saying things like; "When are you gonna as Gavin" How long have you and Gavin been like this" and for the longest time i had no idea what anyone was talking about-ofcourse now one believed me. My other best friend(who at one time went out with Gavin-but trust me it did not end well-they were not on speaking terms even then) told me what Gavin had been telling everyone. So i confronted him, trying to make it clear that i didnt like him. not at all. he had been my friend for the longest time but thats all! Still he persisted to tell people i liked him and i told people otherwise. Then when people didnt know what to believe, Gavin tried to convince ME that i liked him-and you cant do that, you cant convice someone they like you when they truly dont. Then he became a jerk. Trying to hold my hand. Trying to kiss me. Telling me we loved each other and i was just confused. And over and over i had to tell him there was nothing between us-neither of us liked each other. He admitted to Emma, my friend, that he was just trying to make me mad, i over heard the conversation and Emma confermed it.
School ended and Gavin was now telling everyone we were dating. It was cruel and i wanted to cry. Then, my friend Emma had a graduation party, inviting everybody and they all came. The whole night Gavin flirted with me. Telling me that he truly did like me. By now EVERYONE thought i was in love with Gavin-including Emma, my closest friend whom i was sure would believe me. By now i was pissed. Then it all tured for the worst.
Then next night, another friend of mine had a bonfire for just our closest friends including Kate, Madi, Jake, Emma, Gavin, and myself, but i couldnt make it. The next day Gavin, Emma, and Jake show up like nothing had happened the night before at Jessie's house, just a good party. About and hour of the 4 of us biking around, we came to Cork. The big park/arena/skateboarding place/soccer feilds/baseball diamonds/teen hang out. We stopped to just to relax for a while. And thats when they told me what had really happened ar Jessie's. Turns out that Emma and Gavin made out and a little more, in one of the tents at the bonfire. I was stunned because they werent very close anymore. Then it hit me, they both betrayed. I became overly mad. Gavin assumed i was jealous that Emma kissed him and not me. No i couldnt have cared less if nothing of the past month had happened.
You see, Gavin supposedly loved me. And Emma truly believed i loved him back. I didnt/dont of course but she THOUGHT i did. Meaning that they both betrayed me as friends. Its like they both cheated on me. At first they didnt even get why i was mad. I mean how could they not know? The man who loved me and the girl who thought i loved him. Both my best friends. It wouldnt be any different if i truly did like Gavin, and if we were going out because thats what they both believed!!! L felt heart broken that the two people i thought i could trust the most betrayed me in such a harsh way. It seems to be that my friends all betray me in the harshest way at one point of another.
I left. I biked home as fast as i could and cried. I told my other so called friends about what happened so that they would stop buggin me about 'liking Gavin'. Then everyone knew about in a day for the friends i asked to keep what happened just in our circle of trust, spread the word.
The next day came and who did i find at my doorstep all kissy and cuddly? Emma and Gavin, all smiles they had forgotten i was mad at them two. I told then to piss off and slammed the door. It felt great until i got emails from them, all cheerful and wondering if i wanted to hang out. I mean how many times can a girl be pussed to the ground? How many times can i be pussed to the limit? How many times cana friends betray you all in one week? Apparently alot. Still now i have to remind them what they did wrong. They appologize, say they arent together and they just made a mistake, i say im starting to forgive and just need time away from them. Then once again theyre at my doorstep kissing and hugging and asking me to 'hang'
Im broken. Im on the ground beaten. High School is only a couple weeks away i dont know if i can do this. Now i have no idea who my friends are.
You know you love me ( well at least i hope ) - XOXO - Holly
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