My Favourite Quotes

My soul feels like it's locked away in a jail cell, a prism of prison-Holly
My soul is as dead as a body in it's grave, i have no piece of peace-Holly
If at first you do succeed, try to hide you astonishment-Harry F. Banks
When i was born, i was so surprised i couldn't talk for a year and a half-Gracie Allen
One thing about the speed of light, it gets here too early in the morning-Anonymous
Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go-T. S. Eliot
Anyone who doesn't make mistakes isn't trying hard enough-Wess Roberts
The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary-Anonymous
It's not only what we do, but also what we do not do, which we are accountable-Moliere
Most imprtent in a friendship? Tolerance and loyalty-J. K. Rowling
The only time laughter is unwelcome is.when colc is likely to come squirting out of your nose-TB
When you come to a fork in the road, pick it up-unknown
The love of one's country is o spendid thing. But why should it stop at the border?-Pablo Casals
If you are going to try cross country skiiing, start with a small country-Anonymous
Forecast for tonight:darkness-Anonymous
A little push will get a person almost everywhere, except through a door marked 'pull'-unknown

Am i indecisive? Well, yes and no-Anonymous
After eating, do amphimians have to wait 1 hour before getting out of the water?-Anonymous
I told my doctor i broke my leg in 2 places. He told me to quit going to those places- Henry Youngeman
To invent, you need a good imagination, and a pile of junk-Thomas Edison

Normal is just a setting on your dryer-Patsy Clairmont

The only thing most people do better than anyone else is read their own hand writing-John

Did you know the word 'gullible' isn't in the dictionary?-Anonymous Adams

For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong-H. L. Menchen

To be trusted is a better compliment than to be loved-George Mac Donald

Did you know that 64% of all statistics are made up?-unknown

Why is 'abbreviation' such al ong word?-Anonymous

The shortest distance between two points is always under construction-Noelie Alito

I'm deep in love, but i'm soo over you-unknown

And my favourite:

For every minute you are angry you lose 60 seconds of happiness-Anonymous

Hope you enjoyed these little snippets of geniousness-peace out

You know you love me-xoxo-Holly

Conrad

Once soared above the clouds

As gracious as one could be

All wishing they could be

But now let fall astray

Smiled bright, champion

Down in the deeps, alone

A switch so fast, it hurt

Emotions of faraway confused

Did all like one

Now nothing but one

A helping hand

Timid, but slowly reaching

By Holly A

Based on the book: 'Deep Down Popular' by Phoebe Stone

First Day of School

Tecniqually today was my second day of school-but oh well. i started out the day in geography class-also my homeroom. my teacher mr.hanson is awsome. in fact i think all my teachers are great. anyways, in geo we just got handpouts, played this game survey thing and then just chatted-pretty much the same today as well.

Next i headed to drama which i was totally sykd for. turnds out that non of my friends are in any of my classes. i mean i know pretty much everyone but either their not my type of people or they dont like me-which is true to most girls-they try to compete with me over popularity-which im losing my the way, but im not upset. i have started to change. i can sense it. ive calmed down and i dont flirt with every guy and im not showing off and im not acting like a bitch and have even became a little bit shy. i must say-before...i was hott, now im cute. and i think i like it. i mean of course i miss some of it but i have changed. even my clothing, my pants and shirts arent as tight and i even wear t-shirts which in grade 7 was like totally unthinkable. and now that ive changed i realize how much of an idiot i was, am. i still have a punk attitude but im not as much as a um slut i used to be.

okay well, in drama we all sit on the floor-i know-weird. but thats just what we do. and we sit in an alphabetical circle-going by last names. its like this circle and you sit with the person whos lasr name is after yours is on your left. now my last name starts with an A so i sit beside B and Z. good thing about this is that alex B and his brother ian are beside me. now i dated ian a while back-we didnt blend well. but alex, the older one in grade 10 i totally like. i mean usually i go for the bad boy or the quirky clown but alex is sporty and he wears like dress shirts and pants that sit at his waist-but arent tight at the rear-and nice clean white n black shoes and a silver watch-totally not my type right-but i like him. now i promise that will never happen-me and alex? ya right-im not his type either-not even close-i think we will probly be best as drame partners like yesturday. do i sound like a freak? i hope not. and alex if your reading this-im sorry-but i dont lie.

anywho, lunch came and apparently grade nine girls are the only people who eat, everyone else just sits around taking up space talking and flirting-(which is how i used to be).

3rd period i had english with ms.stewart, now at first glance sge is freaky and mean but once you get to know her shes nice and fun. not much happened in english i have typical respond to the story homework-which i have to finish-one question left-which involves the computer-actually thats why i came on in the first place-havent done it yet.

last but not least i had french. now i was worried because all of my friends-who are in applied-said that theyre teacher is awful and mean and crazy. but i am in acedemic french, which turns out has a different teacher, and she is awsome!!! she just had a baby and yet is bacj to being scronny already.

honestly, my classes are horrible, im alone. and i dont think i could have made it even this far if i didnt have douglas. we arent friends or anything-probably never will be-but he is 3 of my classes and no matter what he can make me laugh. all i have to do is look at him and im happy. its weird but he just has this vibe that is cheerful. you have to meet him to really understand.

anyways, 8pm and wipeout is coming on, plus i have to wake my dad up, so ill talk to you later

You know that you love me xoxo Holly

Best of 2009 summer

yoyo all people of the internet-yesterday was one of the best days i have had even though tecniqually it was a disappointment-which in a way made it better. on Saturday my parents and i headed down to Kincardin for the weekend. we had a reservation at a bed and breakfast which turned out to be right across the street from a deserted, yet beautiful beach. we went swimming and let the waves pick us right off our feet. it was great. later on my family and i went and did miniput-surprisingly my mom won. after, we ate at crabby joes.

the reason we came down to Kincardin was because i had a soccer tournament on Sunday-yesturday-that started at 9 in the morning (which we lost by the way.)

even though the day was disappionting, my team played the best we ever have. it was amasing, we were passing and talking to each other and we were really supportive-we still lost-but we were amasing. it also was great because the whole team (we are a girls 14 team) went swimming together at a really nice, large beach that was great. we were laughing and playing and got some really good happy photos of us all goofing off. it was some of the best fun!

we played a few more games and then 2 of my friends and their families went out to dinner. all 10 of us headed out to a pub/restaurant where we had some of the best and worst food. again-more soccer and then my parents left to go see a concert and i went swimming again with the same two friends and their families. it was soo great because the three of us got to bond and laugh and tell stories and share feeling and it was one of the best days for us three together. we felt like we were back at new life-a camp the three us went to with another one of our guy friends earlier this summer-so much fun by the way!

the three of us talked, jumped over waves, surfed on waves, swam, flirted with guys, and jumped off this 30 foot peir into freezing cold water. it was soo much fun. emma left and then it was just victoria and i, we never really get to just be alone together and we had so much fun-after a couple of hours of doing absolutely nothin' in the water we decided it was time to eat dinner so me and vics family went to subway and i get my predictable foot long sweet onion chicken teriyaki on italian herbs and cheese bun with tomatoes, lettuse, sud sauce, light mayo, and that other sauce that i cant remember the name of.

anyway, even though we all ended the day tired, sore and with spitting headaches of dehydration and too much sun when running like you have to piss cause youre so nervous, all day-it was one of the best days ever.

the whole summer i havent got out once with friends-besides camp but that doesnt count-so it felt great to finally living out what summer is all about. it was great and i am soo happy we lost-because we didnt ge to play as many games as the better teams, and we were able to relax and just hang. best day of the summer-by far.

for once i am writing to yal with good news and a happy tale.

you know you love me xoxo Holly

Hey

My name is Holly-as you may already know-or not. School is coming-im freaking out. i have a new boyfriend, we have been going out for about a month and a half and i do truly like him its just that it feels wrong. when i was going out with Tyler, i missed him every second i was away. when we talked, nothing else mattered. i could look at his picture and cry because i was so happy he was mine. i loved him, actually LOVED him. he left me for another women, but i still miss him. i think the problem is that even though i like jake alot and like talking to him and i do miss him when hes not there, its not the same. i think i still love Tyler. after all that happened, its still him i think about in the middle of the night. im not over him. and not im torn. i mean, i have to get over ty. and i feel bad because i dont want to out with jake if im also thinking about someone else. i feel like im cheating on jake. but then again, i dont want to loose him because hes my best friend and boy friend and i dont want to let him go. i dont want to dump him because i still like him-its just that i also like tyler. i dont know what to do-i need help-and now im worried because ive been told that there are many guys who would be perfect for me that i havent met yet. and my friends who say they know guys who are coming to our high school-i get excited. like, what i fall for a third guy? and then forth? its happened to me before. i had 5 guys i couldnt chose from, and in the end i lost all of them. i dont know what to do. You know you love me. XOXO Holly

Used

I dont know what to say
My life feels like its in pieces
Why does it have to be this way
With all the lies and the secrets

Why is it Im the one
Who everybody thinks is trash?
I mean, maybe I am
But I have feelings too

Im used and abused
Im trying to go on
Im broken and shattered
No one cares to pick up the pieces

Im used and abused
Im broken and shattered
They ise me and toss me away
Its like I never mattered

"Why is life so hard?"
Its not a question I have an answer to
Why isnt there a rule book
For life?

They do whatever they want to me
And dont think twice abou it
Im down on the grownd and crying
They walk by

Im used and abused
Im broken and shattered
Im torn and thrown away
Its like I never mattered

I wish I could smile and mesn it
I wish life was not so hard
Help me dear lord from this pain
Im asking with all I have

Happiness is miles away
The fake smile has worn down
My life is fading away
Will it make a difference?

Im used and abused
Im broken and shattered
Im used and abused
And noone cares

I dont rememeber giving God permission
To make my life a living hell
Why does it have to be this way?
Please someone share

Im used and abused
Im broken and shattered
I crash and burn to the ground
They just step around

Depression taking over
Sadness crepping in
Hatred coming toward me
When will this all end?

Sometimes when you want to cry
And you feel like your gonne die
What hurts the most is knowing you cant
What hurts the most is knowing I cant

Im used and abused
Im broken and shattered
Im used and abused
And none cares

IM USED AND ABUSED
IM BROKEN AND SHATTERED
IM USED AND ABUSED
AND NOONE CARES

AND NOONE CARES

My Life-Song

It is my life, not yours
Can you please leave me alone? Yes, go away!
You have your life, I have my life
Please keep to yourself
I dont need a manager!
God gave me a path, I will walk it
You may be my friend but...
It is my life, you dont run it!

Chorus:
How am i supposed to live my life
When youve got it on a schedule?
You can not go draggin' me around
Like Im your little pet
My life belongs to me
So you better keep with your own
You cannot call the shots 'cause
It is my life, you dont run it!

It is my life, not yours
I dont know how Im going to live on
I wish youd stop, give me some space
No! We are not one
We are two different people
Let me live my life, without your help
You may be my friend but
It is my life, you dont run it!

Chorus

It is my life, not yours
I ama human being, not a toy
It is my life, you dont own it
Yes, it is my life
I can do it as I please
It is my life, you have no say
You may be my friend but...
It is my life, you dont run it!

Chorus
(Tag last line: It is my life, you dont run it!)

By: Holly A.

Once Again

Im here and im depressed-whats new?
I'm back and once again i have something bad to say-seems to be a trend in my life. So i was going out with this guys named Victor who even though was creepy and nurdy and totally annoyed me-for some reason i liked him. We had been going out for about 2 weeks and it was going alright. Then the end of school and the grade 8 class goes on a trip to Ottawa. Big mistake. So many things went wrong but ill only touch on one.

All 70 kids were on a bus headed who knows where, and i was sitting with who at the time was my best friend-Gavin M. For some reason Gavin convinsed me that Victor was cheating on me -which deep down i knew wasn't true - and that i should make him jealous. Now i am not the type to do that to anyone, im not like that, and so how Gavin could make me flirt with him right in
front of Victor to make him jealous is unknown to me. It was like i hypnotized. Eventually Victor couldnt take it anylonger and he dumped me and thats when i snapped out of my trance and realized what i had done. i was going to appologize to him until i found out that he had tried to ask out Kate-who is the one person i dispise in this world because of the things she has done to me,things i wont even tell you! So i decided to just leave him to do whatever he wanted.

I was mad at Gavin but i didnt show it, i thought everyone makes mistakes and was trying to forgive him-he was afterall my friend. But then matters got even worse. Gavin started telling people that we had made out and that i was going to ask him out and that all out flirting was proof. Everyone believed that i was in love with Gavin-which i wasnt and never will be! And so people kept coming up to me saying things like; "When are you gonna as Gavin" How long have you and Gavin been like this" and for the longest time i had no idea what anyone was talking about-ofcourse now one believed me. My other best friend(who at one time went out with Gavin-but trust me it did not end well-they were not on speaking terms even then) told me what Gavin had been telling everyone. So i confronted him, trying to make it clear that i didnt like him. not at all. he had been my friend for the longest time but thats all! Still he persisted to tell people i liked him and i told people otherwise. Then when people didnt know what to believe, Gavin tried to convince ME that i liked him-and you cant do that, you cant convice someone they like you when they truly dont. Then he became a jerk. Trying to hold my hand. Trying to kiss me. Telling me we loved each other and i was just confused. And over and over i had to tell him there was nothing between us-neither of us liked each other. He admitted to Emma, my friend, that he was just trying to make me mad, i over heard the conversation and Emma confermed it.

School ended and Gavin was now telling everyone we were dating. It was cruel and i wanted to cry. Then, my friend Emma had a graduation party, inviting everybody and they all came. The whole night Gavin flirted with me. Telling me that he truly did like me. By now EVERYONE thought i was in love with Gavin-including Emma, my closest friend whom i was sure would believe me. By now i was pissed. Then it all tured for the worst.

Then next night, another friend of mine had a bonfire for just our closest friends including Kate, Madi, Jake, Emma, Gavin, and myself, but i couldnt make it. The next day Gavin, Emma, and Jake show up like nothing had happened the night before at Jessie's house, just a good party. About and hour of the 4 of us biking around, we came to Cork. The big park/arena/skateboarding place/soccer feilds/baseball diamonds/teen hang out. We stopped to just to relax for a while. And thats when they told me what had really happened ar Jessie's. Turns out that Emma and Gavin made out and a little more, in one of the tents at the bonfire. I was stunned because they werent very close anymore. Then it hit me, they both betrayed. I became overly mad. Gavin assumed i was jealous that Emma kissed him and not me. No i couldnt have cared less if nothing of the past month had happened.

You see, Gavin supposedly loved me. And Emma truly believed i loved him back. I didnt/dont of course but she THOUGHT i did. Meaning that they both betrayed me as friends. Its like they both cheated on me. At first they didnt even get why i was mad. I mean how could they not know? The man who loved me and the girl who thought i loved him. Both my best friends. It wouldnt be any different if i truly did like Gavin, and if we were going out because thats what they both believed!!! L felt heart broken that the two people i thought i could trust the most betrayed me in such a harsh way. It seems to be that my friends all betray me in the harshest way at one point of another.

I left. I biked home as fast as i could and cried. I told my other so called friends about what happened so that they would stop buggin me about 'liking Gavin'. Then everyone knew about in a day for the friends i asked to keep what happened just in our circle of trust, spread the word.
The next day came and who did i find at my doorstep all kissy and cuddly? Emma and Gavin, all smiles they had forgotten i was mad at them two. I told then to piss off and slammed the door. It felt great until i got emails from them, all cheerful and wondering if i wanted to hang out. I mean how many times can a girl be pussed to the ground? How many times can i be pussed to the limit? How many times cana friends betray you all in one week? Apparently alot. Still now i have to remind them what they did wrong. They appologize, say they arent together and they just made a mistake, i say im starting to forgive and just need time away from them. Then once again theyre at my doorstep kissing and hugging and asking me to 'hang'

Im broken. Im on the ground beaten. High School is only a couple weeks away i dont know if i can do this. Now i have no idea who my friends are.

You know you love me ( well at least i hope ) - XOXO - Holly

hey, i want to dance, strut what ive got, show people im something. i wanna prove myself. i want to party. i want to hang with friends and boys who dance with me. bodies swaying, synchronizing, perfect and moving with ease. i want to dance to dirty songs, and make you pop. thats what i wanna do. i wanna dance, with friends that treat me right, and a guy that respects me, but i aint gonna get any of that now am i? dont seem like it. sucks man. i wanna glide across the floor, all eyes on my as the words "you make my head spin round, right round". the way it used to be on friday nights. the way i want it to be this instent. i even dressed in my club outfit. it aint nothing special but it makes me confident and hott.i dont want my ass grabbed, i dont want to be pinch, i dont wanna be 'the slut'. i just wanna dance. i aint the slut i used to be. ive grown up. ya i still like to party and dance with my hips and grind down to the floor, but i aint no tramp. i aint no bitch. im just a younge girl who wants 2 things. love and a dance floor. thats what i want. i was born loving two things, soccer and dancing. and since its too damn cold to play soccer, i have the painful urge to push my body against your as we flow side to side. its where i belong. its what i want. dear god be nice to me. ------you know you love me-----ya right-----Holly

hello, havent spoken in a while. i have realised something that greatly disturbs me. i am not a man of my word-or women techniqually. i have the unfortunet rotten part of me that lies to themselves and others when i say that i will do something. for example i once said to myself that i was going to write in my journal ebvery other night where, like my blogs, i only get to it on the rare occasion.

i have also realised something else. i am pethetic. i am single, im not that upset about it, i like being single, what i dont like is feeling so alone. i want more than what ive been given from men. i want love, true love. i know it sounds corny and retarded but it is not a lie. i am 14 years old, yet very mature for my age, mentally and physically. i have gone out with many guys in my life, most from school, but some strong part of me wants a real relationship, not just a boyfriend but someone who is there for me and loves me and whom i think about night and day. i dont have someone like that. but i want it. their are no decent male souls in this town. no offence to any man, but here you all stink! the men in mount forest are all jerks who just spend there days grabbing my ass and staring down my shirt and making fun of me jujst for the heck of it. i am part of the popular croud. i will not lie. its true, and im not being a bitch trying to prive herself, i really am, and yet im still the girl whos unhappy. im the one who the guys are rude to because even though im 'hott' and im in the 'in croud' im no longer a girl they find they like. former years i was being asked out everyday, now, nothing. and truly i am not trying to be the girly girl who is jealous of all of her friends. i love my life. i hate the men in it. i want a true man who actually respects women, does good in school, doesnt swear to the teachers or punches a fist just cause. and for some reason i seem to be the only girl here who realises how cruel the guys at school are to us women. they grab us when we dont want them to, steel our stuff when we tell them not to, make cruel jokes, shove me into the wall and take whatever peice of me they can get. where are the decent men? the ones who are caring?

this week

what happened this week? well first of all, i havent been sleeping lately. like at all, barely. anyways, on wednesday i came to school and i could hardly even see. mrs. aitken told me i looked really fragile and that my eyes were going cross eyed-which isnt really a good thing. so she sent me to go sleep on the couch in the health. it was kinda weird when i woke up and people asked me where i was and i told them that i was having a nap over by the french room. anyways, last night i went to the legion in town to an award thing. i won honarable mention for the poster i did which i must say absolutely sucked, and the letter i did to the unknown soldier which i think i should have gotten at least 2nd for. oh well, i got $10 for 'winning' so it aint that bad. today my friend emma is having her birthday party after school-which is tecniqually where i should be-and then over night til tomorrow. i kind of got her all spa stuff like hand lotion, makeup, bath smellies, stuff like that. i am like the worst gift giver ever and all my friends know it. so i hope that this one isnt so bad. im upset, i dont want to sound like a stupid blonde freak but i really miss tyler-my boyfriend-i mean i only get to see him about once a month and it sucks soo much. especially with ryan trying to convince my that he might be cheating on me and that i should cheat on tyler with ryan. all he wants is well...you know-but that is never going to happen. one-eww-ryan i, and two-i would never cheat on tyler, or anyone else for your info.! i have this big urge to play soccer because soccer is like my life, im not the best-but it is the thing i think of all the time-besides boys-haha. stupid snow. oh, i also want to dance! like i want the next firehall dance to happen like tonight or as soon as possible, i am in the mood to dance with whoever will dance with me-male or female-;) anyways, im gonna go cause im cold and i want to go back to bed. see yal later-you know you love me-Holly